The Masked Promoter’s Top Picks for 2015 (Completely against the grain, because that’s the way we like it.)

Ya know, as I sit here in my palatial estate, enjoying my retirement from the Live Event Engineer field, it really is by design that I don’t know every release there was this year. I’m pretty tired of the current output on both a local/regional level as well as the national level. Call me a bitter old man if you want to, I’m okay with that. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. But, I’m not “mad” at the lack of OMG moments in music this year, I’m disappointed. So, when the resident slave masters Mike and Vick over at The Metal wanted me to contribute to their end of the year top whatevers, I hesitated. Why bury all these great bands for putting out records that are way below my personal standards? So, I said no. Then, they “found” some photos of me without my mask and they threatened to publicize and expose me if I didn’t. All good villains must remain elusive, so here I am making a ridiculous list. But I’m doing it MY way. Vick, Mike, you wanted content? Be careful what you wish for.

 

 

  1. Wovenwar (self titled). (Yes, I’m aware this came out sometime in the 2nd half of 2014, but fuck you I don’t care, since I never gave them a shot until a few months ago. This counts in my top 10).This is an album you can put on random and you won’t be disappointed. Whether it’s “All Rise”, “Death to Rights” or “Tempest” or “The Mason” or “Father/Son”, for fans of clean vocals, heavy alternative rock with just a dash of prog, you’ll be happy you listened. Also for fans of Jason Wood era It Dies Today (the only era of IDT I recognize) and over all great jams

 

Now, since we’ve established I don’t stick to the format here’s the rest of my top 10

 

  1. God Forbid- Gone Forever. True Black Metal.

 

  1. Chimaira- The Impossibility of Reason. Phenominal band- this era is the only era. Disregard the final act of this band. I. Hate. Everyone.

 

  1. The Cure. Wish. What? A metal guy can’t appreciate lush melodies? That’s okay, your opinion doesn’t matter here. This is the album with “Friday I’m In Love”. Great tune, but a “Letter to Elise” is it for me, that’s my go to jam! But this whole album is worth your time! This entire discography is worth your time.

 

  1. Fear Factory- Obsolete. If I have to explain why in the fuck this is here just stop, hand in your “cool kid” card, and promptly go fuck yourself. “Shock”? “Edge crusher”? “Hell Timelessness” almost made me cry. For extra awesome, get the deluxe version and jam O.O’s “Where Evil Dwells” and that super funky Cars remix with Gary fucking Numan.

 

  1. Type O Negative- October Rust. If you’re even remotely questioning this, shut up grab your significant other, light some candles, and go down on them. This is the absolute sexiest album to do this to.

 

  1. Pantera- The Great Southern Trendkill. I’m not explaining this.

 

  1. Jungle Rot- Kill On Command. Been a fan since Dead and Buried in 2001. It’s good stuff, they have a new record out and it’s good enough. You should buy it and all, but Kill On Command is flawless.

 

  1. Goldfinger- (self- titled) from 1996. Here in your bedroom. Google that shit now.

 

  1. Korn (self-titled): It’s okay if you’re not a fan. This album is perfect. Perfectly weird and amazing.

 

  1. (Fuck numbers) Marilyn Manson- Portrait of an American Family. Theatrical, punk, metal, raw, though polished at the same time. This has it all.

 

 

There you have it: My “top 10 albums of the year”.

 

 

PS: Dear locals: Stop giving your shit away for free. How the fuck is that a good business idea? A classy chick won’t give you pussy without earning it.

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