Interview: The Disgruntled Buffalo Metal Elitist

A few months back, a mysterious page appeared on the web. This particular page appeared to be administrated by someone with keen insight into the Buffalo metal scene; more specifically, someone all of us here involved with Queen City metal probably know. Well, you wanted the identity of the DBME, so here it is. DBME is actually…

Sorry, we’re not going there. Did you really think we were going to give that away? However, we did drop by our pal, “The Elitist” on Facebook messenger recently, to ask “a few” burning questions we had. Check it out:

The Metal: So, why are you so “disgruntled”?

DBME: There are tons of posers in the Buffalo metal scene. No one in this city is doing metal any justice besides for like 2 or 3 bands. All the metalcore bands sound exactly the same. All the death metal bands sound exactly the same. If you’ve seen one buffalo metal band of a specific genre, you’ve seen em all. Plus, being disgruntled is fun. It’s fun to bitch about shit. Start a delightful buffalo metal elitist page and suck all the local metal bands’ dicks and see how boring it is. I kinda just described your webzine, didn’t I?

The Metal: Are there any bands in the scene you actually like?

DBME: A band recently started up that nobody has even heard of yet. They are Buffalo Polish porn grind slam. they call themselves “Killbasa”. They are the extreme brutal metal band buffalo has been waiting for. I’ve been to one of their practices and they told me not to tell anyone about them but, fuck it.

The Metal: Who really grinds your gears and why?

DBME: Promoters who book benefit shows. Buffalo is in a benefit show phase right now which means there is such a lack of good bands and an over saturation of shitty ones that the only way to get people out to a show is to prey on people’s sympathy. Pathetic. Also, anyone with tattoos, anyone with one of those gay patch vests and, anyone with long hair or a beard.

The Metal: What about the bands that fall in between?

DBME: As if it were possible, the bands that are “in between” are even worse.

The Metal: Who is just “meh” and who could be doing more?

DBME: They are all “meh”.

The Metal: What exactly makes them so “meh”?

DBME: Their lame ass lyrics, beards, and patches. Not to mention they’re all ugly and have shitty normie gear that they probably got from zzounds. Also, their lack of creativity, catchiness, and clarity. The three C’s of metal. Just give me one fucking moment in the chorus where I can understand just one word. It’s not that hard. And make sure that moment of clarity is catchy or people will forget the name of your band before you even get off the fucking stage.

The Metal:  What kind of metal did a true elitist like yourself grow up listening to?

DBME: I grew up on a buffalo metal band from the late 80’s early 90’s called “Shocklift”. Youtube the song, “Order in the Court”. Probably the best local metal band of all time. Them and most extreme slam/grind bands from the late 90’s and GWAR.

The Metal: As a metal elitist, what does it take for a new band on say, Spotify to make it onto your playlist?

DBME: I would never listen to spotify just based on the sound quality alone. The bit rate they use for streaming is absolute dog shit. If you want me to listen to your band you have to use the three C’s. They’ll never make it onto my playlist anyway because the only thing on my playlist is my solo project.

The Metal: Onto recording, who’s doing it wrong? Who’s doing it right? Talk about some of the better sounding local albums you’ve heard. How about the worst? Careful now…some bands want that “raw” sound.

DBME: If you’re not doing it yourself, you’re doing it wrong. Why would you pay someone to record you? Cause you’re a fucking poser, that’s why. Buy cubase, and some mics, read “home recording for dummies” and produce it yourself. Studios just want your money and to get you and your shitty songs out the door as quickly as possible. Either way, if you’re not spending $5000 on recording, its gonna sound like shit.”Raw” is just another word for sounds like shit.

-Why do you think I’m so disgruntled? Because there are no good sounding local albums. The worst? Take your pick.

The Metal: Onto gear, we can’t tell if you hate 5150s or if you’re still a fan, despite all the brocore. It’s one of the heaviest amps I’ve heard. So, say you’re at a show and you’re nitpicking everyone’s setup. What’s your ideal gear setup for a metal band? Don’t stop at amps…drums too…

DBME: 5150/6505’s blow. Peavey in general is a poser brand. Spend an extra grand and get a man’s amp instead of some Van Halen rip off garbage.

If I’m at a show, I’m hoping the bands don’t show up so I don’t have to listen to their normgarb shit. But if you want to know what my ideal setup is, its my setup. My custom shop first act. Mahogany “sheena’ body style with custom pickups I had made from precious meteorite metals that passed through a dying star. Gold plated hand made 13-72 strings into a Friedman BE-100 with gain and mid boost mods and a custom made kauri wood cabinet.

The Metal: Without revealing who you are…list all the instruments a true elitist like yourself has dabbled in…Surely, you’re versatile…a true Renaissance man or woman of metal.

DBME: An 8 string double neck bass forged from solid brass with blood diamond inlays. carved from the rarest Brazillian jungle oak. 12-10 cab. With a 50 tube 3000 watt amp hand made in Utah by the Amish. A 3 piece hello kitty drumset I just trigger everything. I play all instruments probably better than everyone in the city of buffalo. The only reason I’m not famous is cause I’m not Jewish.

The Metal: Whats your beef with promoters? What pisses you off the most about them?

DBME: There’s really only one promoter in the area that really chaps my ass. And I know you know who it is. If you’re going to book a show, post it more than once on facefuck. Playing for 8 people is garbage. And touring bands will remember that.  Slapping your shitty Hot Topic industrial band on every one of your fucking shows isn’t drawing crowds, either, homeboy. And wipe that guyliner off, its 2017.

The Metal: Broadway Joe’s was a staple in the local metal scene. Now that its closed for good, what do you miss about it?

DBME: I miss pissing behind the shower curtain. I miss never having room inside for gear. And the pole right in front of the fucking “stage”. The sound was trash.
But really, I do miss noone getting bitchy with me for rollin a fatty on the patio and getting to see Aspired Infliction and Gubbermint every god damn weekend.

The Metal: What’s your stance on local bands trying to sell you tickets?

DBME:  Sucks for bands but it’s smart, for bigger tour packages anyway. Bands will sell tickets to their friends. It’s easy money.

The Metal: Do you have any advice for any promoters that may be reading this?

DBME: Stop trying to be AfterDark. Stop booking the same bands on the same lineup every time. Stop taking shows you don’t care about. Interact with musicians as if your already piss reputation actually depends on it. Take a night off from your mediocre 7-11 management job to attend a show you booked that your band isn’t playing.. Stop putting your band on your own shows. I don’t even know why I even had to list any of these things. It’s common sense. If you have an IQ better than a carrot, you already know this.

The Metal: Do you have anything else you’d like to say at this time?

DBME: Nah, but if I think of anything you know where to look. And the trying to figure out who I am thing is fuckin cute. You idiots are way off. You shouldn’t just assume I’m even from Buffalo.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s